Just a little song I've been writing. Thoughts? :)

-X-

You like girls and you like boys

And so you came to play

I didn’t see it coming

Then you stole my heart away

 

Kissing, touching, loving

And you did it with a smile

You took my heart and then

You left me hanging for a while

 

You’re just a bisexual super whore

Have me hangin’ on a string

Then leave me on the floor

 

Just a bisexual super whore

Tease me with your kisses

Then you leave me wantin’

More more more…

Okay. Here's the thing.

My RA thought it would be a neat idea to try something he called "Bathroom Babble" which means he'd put up a sheet of paper in the bathroom with a question and we could respond to it anonymously. His first question was "What do you want to do this year?" The first response: "Fuck Sexii Bitches".  Other responses included thoughts about sharing a pen while taking a shit, saying "I'm Gay!" or just making fun of other people's comments...

Now I'm not sure what sparked me to do it, but after I get done reading through all of the highly intelligent comments, I decide to write one of my own. I don't have the paper in front of me but it went something like this-

"It's nice to see that immaturity extends past high school. I'm not saying the prompt was interesting, but if you didn't like it you didn't have to write anything. Way to be guys."

I check back today and see I've gotten feedback! The first one simply said "Booooo" with an arrow pointing to my comment. The second one had an arrow pointing between my comment and the one saying "I'm Gay!" with the statement "Same Guy". And lastly was a rather lengthy comment saying something along the lines of-

"Wow. Its nice to see that you can be so narrow-minded and stuck up. Way to go."

To which I responded-

"It doesn't take much maturity to learn "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." And I'm pretty sure that calling girls "sexii bitches" and saying "I'm Gay" is pretty narrow-minded. Just sayin'."

And maybe commenting like that is stuck up. Maybe I should've followed my own advice and said nothing at all. But you know what? It pisses me off when people act so incredibly stupid. Writing about pooping and homosexuality and whoring yourself out and using it as a joke? Seriously what are we, fourteen? I'm sorry, doing that kind of shit when an RA is clearly just trying to get his residents involved in something he thinks might be interesting isn't funny, its not cool, its just immature. And while I don't think it was necessary for me to comment as well, I think our generation, especially the guys, needs to learn a little lesson and GROW THE FUCK UP.

...just saying. :)

-Andrew

So...

You remember Dan, right? The freshman who decided I was just a one night stand? Well I went to a party last night and he was there. I saw him, and I had this weird attack of emotion. So bizarre. I mean, it sucked to be a one time thing, but I didn't realize I still felt so  strongly about it until I was faced with him. Talk about your "Sex and the City" moment, right? Long story short, I had to go outside for a bit to mentally compose myself (or something like that) and headed back in.

All in all the party experience was pretty awkward. I think he was relatively drunk, and even if he hadn't been I'm not sure what I would've said to him. I wasn't even sure if we were supposed to act like we knew each other. It was just kind of crappy because the whole time I was having a mini battle with myself over whether or not to leave well enough alone. I spent most of the party mentally stopping myself from trying to get with him again.

It was only this morning when my worst fears were confirmed. That night Dan ended up hooking up with Kenny, a friend/acquaintance of mine. And that news was, to put it bluntly, awful. I don't know what it is. Maybe its because all I heard last year was how annoying people thought Kenny was. And how much people didn't like him, or how they could only take him in small doses. Whereas people generally like me. I mean not everyone does, but I feel like they're in a small minority. And that sounds egotistical but I'm sorry, for the most part its true. In general I'm a pretty likable person...it just confuses me I guess. How could I lose to someone like that?

In fairness to me, Dan could just be (in my friend Mary's words) a man whore. What happened with Kenny could very well have been a one night stand. I don't know exactly what happened. From what Liz said, it sounded like a one time thing...and even if it wasn't, do I really have a right to be upset? I met Dan with the intention of doing something NSA (no strings attached) so it shouldn't have surprised me that there were to be no repeats.

And if he is with Kenny? Well then good for him. If nothing else, that's one less person in the La Crosse Dating Desert. I'm not the kind of person to be upset with someone for a situation out of their control. Or at least that's not the sort of person that I want to be. Would I be jealous? Of course. But would I hold it against him? No.

In reality? Things in La Crosse aren't so bad. Tonight some friends and I made cosmos and watched Sex and the City: The Movie, and the play is going really well as are my classes. Plus did I mention I'm going to Paris? ;)

But I miss you guys. I have some great friends here, but I wish you guys were around so you could be living all of this with me and not have to hear about it through LiveJournal. It would make life so much easier. Plus a hell of a lot more interesting for you guys! ;)

Anyway its slowly getting closer to 1 o'clock, so I should probably start wrapping this up. The point of this ramble? Life is crazy, and I miss you terribly. Hope all is well (and slightly less dramatic) with you. 

Much Love,
Andrew

I've found a weapon to combat my obsessive romantic tendencies. Its name? Clarification. And it is a powerful thing. I was a one time thing. And that really hurts but you know what? I'm going to get over it. And at least I didn't spend weeks wondering and worrying and hoping only to never get closure. Its like tearing off a Band-Aid. If you just do the damn thing and get it over with it will hurt but it will be done with. If you wait around and hope it just comes off over time then it spends days on your skin nagging at you until it finally falls off one day. 

And I prefer to tear my bandages off thank you.

I wasn't a stranger to the game.

You post, someone responds, you exchange emails (possibly numbers) you meet up you do stuff and you leave. Usually the people you meet aren't particularly engaging or even ridiculously attractive so its easy not to get attached.

What doesn't happen is you meet with someone and talk for what seems like forever, all the while feeling this amazing chemistry, only to have the attraction quadruple when he touches you.

...fuck.

And here I thought I was over the whole obsessive crushing thing. I even used Jeff as my proof! I said, "Look at me world! I have a crush on this guy but I'm not an obsessed freak! I've improved!" The reality of the situation is of course that I simply didn't like Jeff all that much and that the main reason I was attracted to him was because I thought he was attracted to me.

And along came Daniel...explosive, fantastic, wonderful. It would figure that when I actually like a guy there's a good chance it will go nowhere because the relationship started off with me saying "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?" (not literally, but along those lines of thought)

...I shouldn't freak out about this. Not only are there about a million and one attractive gay/bi/curious guys in the world but I don't even know that this was a one time thing. There's a possibility that he could be feeling the same way. So I need to calm my shit and wait this thing out. Basically I need to stop assuming all of these feelings he's having when I have no proof of anything other than the fact that he liked my company.

Also, I should probably refrain from working my problems out via livejournal post from now on...

Night all!

So I saw Julie and Julia tonight with my mom...it wasn't as good as I'd hoped. But it did make me want to cook, and also blog more, so I guess it was a positive experience?

The only problem is I really don't have anything to blog about...I mean we bought a microwave and a coffee maker for my dorm today so that was exciting...but other than that? Meh.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. :p 

Note: This will be very thought-oriented and I apologize. I usually don't edit my journal entries. :)

I have faults. I will admit I have faults and tonight/this morning I will admit two of them.

1) I care way too much.
2) I'm bad with percentages.

Now you'd think these two wouldn't be linked but if anyone is reading this than y'all understand what I mean. No its not that I didn't realize that I said she was a bitch both 80 and 85 percent of the time. I did catch that even when I wrote it (although I didn't realize it would be that big of a deal). It's just that the more I think about it, the more I feel that my whole 20-80 split thing should've been reversed.

80% Lovely
20% Bitch

Now normally being a bitch 20% of the time wouldn't matter that much, but really after a while the 20% sort of poisoned the 80. 

You're probably wondering what brought on this post. And if you aren't I'm going to tell you anyway so feign interest.

As I'm sure I've told you, after having read all of the livejournal/email exchanges Deanna emailed Mel. And she responded. I don't have a copy of said email, but Deanna described it like this: "She said that I'm free to have my own opinion and she respects that, but she's standing by what she said."  Which means I doubt there will be any sort of rational/remotely apologetic email coming my way.

Now I know that I should just be able to get over this. Obviously if our friendship meant so little to her that she could break it off due to heresy it wasn't a friendship worth having. My brain tells me that I should feel that way. And really, I don't want to be friends with someone who can't admit they're wrong in any capacity or even say I'm sorry when everyone is telling them they were out of line. 

Its just so damn hard, you know? I look around my room and see collages she made me, pictures she took, clothes we bought, books we exchanged, pictures of her. Even on my computer every other song, document, and picture has something to do with her. And very little of it reminds me of anything bad or hurtful.

Was she a bitch sometimes? Yes. Could she be annoying as all f*ck? Yes. Does she need to learn to apologize? Yes. But I still care. And I hate that.

Deanna says we need some time apart from one another. And while she admits it's a slim possiblity, she says to keep hoping and maybe things will work out.

She could be right. While she can be a relatively solitary creature, I think Melissa needs good friends just as much as the rest of us. And while Ellen is lovely and her flist amply supportive, I can't help but think she has to miss us at least a little.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to write a livejournal post about all of this. I'm sure that I'll probably end up discussing these things with you eventually if you're reading this. I'd like to say its for Melissa herself, but seeing as we are no longer mutual livejournal friends I don't think she'll even see that I updated  unless she went looking.

If she is reading this...well I suppose I haven't said anything revolutionary or groundbreaking. If she doesn't know by now that I miss her and care about her and want to resolve our friendship then I'm left to marvel/wonder at the fact that she tricked us all into thinking she could read....Although I guess that would explain why she's still not willing to at least talk. And it is a much nicer explanation than pigheadedness.

Anyway folks. Its almost 2 AM and while I don't work tomorrow I'm somewhat tired. It's bedtime for me. I hope things are going well for all of you. Things here are pretty normal otherwise.

Love And Stuff,
Andrew

Just wanted to apologize for the freakout. I had just had a talk with my mom that boiled down to "Your car isn't getting fixed. We don't have a ton of money right now. I'm not sure how we're paying for your college. You should re-apply at Culvers tomorrow."

Or something to that effect. It was just something I needed to get out of my system. But I'm feeling a little better now. At least I may be able to get a job at Sentry?? Cross your fingers and PRAY people!!

-sigh-

Wouldn't it be nice if I could just win American Idol and not worry about any of this? Here's hoping! ~_^

Love and Stuff,
Andrew
 

SOMEONE FUCKING SHOOT ME. I'D SAY THAT LARGELY AND IN BOLD BUT THE EFFING "RICH TEXT" SHIT WON'T WORK!

F

M

L

So my mom suspects that my dad is having an affair. Its an intuition thing. And apparently her evidence was "too personal" to disclose to me...I'm assuming it was a bedroom thing in which case it falls under the category of "glad not to know"

Actually, her suspicions ALSO fall under that category as now it has me worrying about it. 

Of course it could all be nothing. It could be a combination of a ton of stuff hitting her at once (Pat not in college, me with no job, Dillon with no ambition, MENOPAUSE) and I really hope that's it but...still.

I know there's no use worrying about it, but for now I can't really help it. I can't see my dad doing that but who knows? People surprise you.

-sigh-

I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Sighing that is. It doesn't help that livejournal is being stupid and not letting me do italicize and bold my notes. And it cuts out half of the typing screen so I can't see when I hit enter.

On a good note, Deanna's trying to get me to put on "Dark Play" this summer and while I realize it probably won't work its a really good distraction. Now all we need is a Rachel/Molly and a place to do this thing. And..other stuff...but we don't have to get into it. :)

I went out for coffee today with Sara Sam and we got to talking about it and it actually kind of turned into a production meeting with Deanna on cell phone. It was kinda cool. :)

And if nothing else the show will have good music! ~_^

Okay, I think that's all I feel like sharing for now. I'm probably going to go watch the last episode of Season 4 of The Office. Let's hope its uplifting!

Hope everyone's doing well!

Love and Stuff,
Andrew